


In every universe

by peachsoul



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, things are bad but then they're kinda not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 14:43:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8671516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsoul/pseuds/peachsoul
Summary: There's no need for yellow curtains and parallel universes when Isak and Even can be in love in this universe where maybe things aren't always okay,.





	

Isak doesn't remember what it feels like to not be drowning.

 

He doesn't remember what it feels like to have his head above the water and to be able to think clearly...just to be able to  _ breathe  _ without feeling like all the water will rush into his lungs and that would be the end of that.

 

He doesn't remember what it feels like to not love Even. 

 

It makes him angry almost, not remembering the Isak that doesn't know Even, the Isak who doesn't know about parallel universes and fucking yellow curtains that make him feel like his rib cage is about to crack in half and like his heart is too big for his chest…..the Isak who wasn't drowning in the deepest depths of the darkest eyes that didn't feel like were his to get lost in, doesn't seem to exist anymore. 

 

_ “I….. told Sonja about you and we've decided to take a break.”  _

 

Isak has memorized that Even, has memorized the smallest details of that day in the locker room, of the day Even presented himself to Isak like his savior and his future...and he was right there in Isak’s reach, warm skin and the feeling like he was finding himself little by little

In this boy who ran into his life with no warning and with a smile on his face. 

 

Isak memorized the battered breaths after Even kissed him so deep and so damn sincere that Isak was starting to believe in all the things Sana had told him about faith and about believing in something worth fighting for. 

 

He remembers the way Even’s lips had been just a little chapped and how he smelled like everything that Isak had already been drowning in for quite some time….but he wasn't afraid of sinking under the water, not anymore, not when Even was in front of him, looking at Isak like he had saved his world from crumbling from underneath him.

 

Isak remembers that Even, and only that Even, when his chest feels so tight he thinks he can literally die and the hot tears don't ever feel like they're gonna stop spilling and he can hear Noora and Eskild whispering nervously outside his bedroom door because the sobs being ripped out of his throat can't be smothered by the pillow that smells every bit of an Even that Isak doesn't think he can have any more.

 

Even had kissed Sonja, and it looked so normal and so  _ right _ that it made the bile rise up in Isak’s throat just thinking about the way he could feel Even’s lips on his own when he was literally right in front of him, kissing her like that's the only thing he needed in the world. 

 

Isak leaves the party sick to his stomach and knowing for sure that there was nothing in this world fighting for.

 

He pointedly doesn't say anything when he wakes up with a raw throat and bloodshot eyes and sees Noora and Eskild camped out on the floor next to his bed. His heart aches for the words he can't say to them, that he can't even say to himself.

 

Instead, Isak showers and he prays that the scorching hot water can get rid of the feeling of Even touching him everywhere. It doesn’t, and Isak puts on a hoodie so he doesn't feel like he's suffocating in his own skin and pretends he doesn't smell Even on the hoodie.

 

He also pretends it doesn't make him feel safe. He wants things to go back to normal.

 

Isak is still drowning, he never stopped,he just notes that this time, Even isn't there to keep him at bay somehow. 

 

His lungs hurt. He pretends they don't. He keeps going. 

 

Isak thinks he's getting pretty fucking good at pretending. 

 

Time passes. Weeks, days, hour, minutes...seconds. They pass and Isak keeps his head down in the halls at school, afraid that the eyes his meet will be Emma’s or worse, Even’s. He plugs his headphones in and turns the volume all the way up, too afraid of hearing the whispers of the others walking by him. He flinches when NAS suddenly blares through them, some sort of sick reminder that Even was suddenly everywhere and would be, no matter what. 

 

And he does see Even because of course he does, never thought he could get away from him in the first place, not even sure he wanted to, even after everything. 

 

His heart aches with the deepest sense of want and his lungs feel like they're caving in and he doesn't even realize his feet are carrying him to the bathroom because he can feel the familiar stinging behind his eyelids. He's so tired. He only got 2 hours of sleep the night before.

 

He wants to not love Even.

 

It scares him how impossible that feels.

 

He sinks lower and lower until he doesn't anymore.

 

He sinks until Jonas smiles at him and says that Even is handsome because there's nothing else to say about Isak having feelings for a boy. 

 

He sinks until he tells Magnus and Mahdi that him and Even have a thing, in a classroom of all places, and Magnus is a prick still but that settles Isak’s heart something silly because he still loves Even and his friends still love him even then.

 

He still doesn't have Even back, he's not sure if he will anytime soon, but they're all laughing at Magnus dancing and for a second Isak feels like an Isak that can swim all on his own. The stinging in his chest settles a little. He knows it's okay to feel everything now, he's not on his own, he really never was. 

 

Even misses him and suddenly he's drowning all over again but it's  _ different _ again because Isak knows now, knows that everything is different with Even, knows that he  _ wants  _ Even and that it's okay to want Even. 

 

Isak lets himself think about having everything he wants without worrying about it all imploding on itself like it did with his family, he lets himself believe that he can have a sappy ending with cheese toasties and lazy Sundays laying on his bed with chaste kisses. He can have that with Even in this universe and every other universe they meet in. 

 

Isak isn't sure of anything anymore, but he knows that Even misses him and that he misses Even just as much and he knows that when he kisses Even he believes in faith and angels and being  _ happy  _ without being scared of what's around the corner. 

 

Isak has been drowning since the moment Even kissed him so soft and gentle and warm in the pool, maybe even before then he thinks, under the lights of the cafeteria where they first locked eyes. 

 

Isak isn't sure of anything, but he's so sure that he wants to show Even that happiness doesn't just exist in a parallel universe where the curtains are yellow and where neither of them have to worry about themselves or their family falling apart around them.

 

Isak wants to show Even,  _ prove _ to him, that happiness can happen to them in this universe and at this very moment in time.

 

Even kisses him like a prayer, like he’s looking for something holy and sweet to believe in.

  
Even misses Isak and there's fear underneath that confession, and Isak suddenly has something he  _ needs _ to fight for because Isak can believe in parallel universes where things are a thousand times better and he can believe in faith and a God and he can believe in shooting stars and 11:11’s and he can believe in all of those things, but the only thing he finds himself believing in, is Even and himself and the knowledge that there's something different within them and that’s better than anything he’s allowed himself to believe in before.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time just writing anything for others to see and there's a lot of rambling almost. I hope someone out there enjoyed it maybe!!! Nonetheless, thanks for reading :)))
> 
> If you're keen on it, you can follow me on tumblr @ sventeens I'll probably start posting some small writings on there !!


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